'Don't call us suicidal!' terminally ill assisted dying campaigners tell peers

Campaigners have strongly criticised peers including former Prime Minister Theresa May for using "inappropriate" and "inaccurate" language when debating assisted dying. During the Terminally Ill Adults (End of Life) Bill's second reading last Friday, Baroness May of Maidenhead referred to the legislation as an "assisted suicide bill" and said her friend had branded it the "license to kill bill". She added: "This bill effectively says suicide is OK. What message does that give to our society?"

A number of other peers also referred to the Bill's aims as "suicide". With the debate due to resume on Friday morning, dozens of campaigners have penned an open letter to peers urging them to use more respectful language. Single mum Sophie Blake, 52, is terminally ill with breast cancer and does not want her teenage daughter to see her suffer at the end of life. She said the implication that people like her are suicidal was "hurtful, offensive and derogatory".

"I know many people in the terminal community who, like myself, have a fierce passion for life," she explained.

"They will take all the treatments and drugs offered, spend hours researching and advocating for themselves, tirelessly fight and campaign for life extending drugs - all in the hope of gaining a precious extra minute, hour, week or month to be with their loved ones.

"To downplay and ignore everything they go through whilst living with their illness is ignorant, inhuman and infuriating."

Nathaniel Dye, 39, has stage four bowel cancer and was recently told he most likely has months to live. He said use of the word "suicide" in this context was inaccurate, adding: "I wish to live and if there is anything I'm not, it's suicidal."

Nathaniel described how he has fought to "squeeze every last drop out of life" in recent years, running marathons and fundraising for charity.

He added: "To describe dying people as 'suicidal' is to completely and callously miss the point and mindset of terminally ill people.

"By definition, we are dying - and very soon (e.g. within six months, around three in my case). Considering an assisted death is not to choose between life and death.

"It is to accept that the only choice left is between a death with a measure of control, perhaps in the loving arms of one's family, and a death potentially full of pain and suffering."

The letter's 29 signatories also included people who have seen loved ones suffer horrific deaths or travel to Dignitas in Switzerland.

Lucy Davenport, 42, whose husband Tom had bile duct cancer and died after choking to death on his own faecal matter, called for "kindness" on all sides of the debate.

She said: "We live in a democracy, and we are all more than within our rights to a difference in opinion. In the House of Lords, opposition used inappropriate language which has been triggering and disrespectful. I hope that for the second half of the debate, more respectful terminology is used."

Catie Fenner, 37, watched her mum Alison leave for Dignitas in a taxi and later found out she had died via text message.

Describing the language used by some peers as "so hurtful", she said: "There is a real difference between assisted dying and suicidal ideation.

"Mum did not want to die. She and dad had just moved into a new house ready to start the next chapter of their lives, then she was diagnosed with motor neurone disease. She simply wanted to shorten her death, not end her life."

The debate is expected to continue for many hours before possible votes on amendments, including one which would require a select committee to consider the Bill before a Committee of the Whole House.

Lord Charlie Falconer, the Bill's sponsor in the Lords, warned last week the proposed timeline would not allow the legislation to complete the remaining stages before the end of this parliamentary session.

It is understood that opponents and supporters have drawn up a compromise which would see the select committee completed by November 7. The Bill is backed by the Express Give Us Our Last Rights campaign.

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Dear Member of the House of Lords,

We write as terminally ill people and families whose loved ones have suffered under the blanket ban on assisted dying.

We want to speak against the language of suicide used in the first day of the Second Reading debate by those opposed to the Terminally Ill Adults (End of Life) Bill.

To compare our wish or our loved ones' wishes to suicide is hurtful and we urge you to reflect on the language that you use.

The terminally ill people among us are not suicidal. Since our diagnoses, we have lived our lives to the full, focusing on making memories with our loved ones and achieving our bucket list goals. We love life and want to live well for as long as possible.

This isn't about wanting to die, but to die peaceful, pain-free deaths. We are anything but suicidal. We simply want the choice of assisted dying that 300 million people around the world have access to.

Others who have signed this letter have seen loved ones die in agony, despite excellent palliative care, suffering symptoms like faecal vomiting, asphyxiation, starvation and dehydration. They begged to be allowed to die, but we were unable to help because we risked 14 years in prison.

Some took matters into their own hands, dying brutal, lonely deaths. Others made the choice to seek an assisted death in Switzerland at a cost of thousands, away from loved ones who could be prosecuted for the compassion of being by their side in their final moments.

None of them were suicidal, but they wanted to take control of their deaths, to spare themselves the agony they endured, and the trauma we have been left with.

It is people like us who must be at the centre of this debate and it is hurtful and insensitive to compare our experiences with suicidal thoughts and suicide. Words matter and we urge peers to consider their language as the Bill progresses through the House of Lords.

Yours sincerely,

Sophie Blake, living with secondary breast cancer
Catie Fenner, in memory of Alison Fenner
Nathaniel Dye, living with terminal bowel cancer
Anil Douglas, in memory of Ian Douglas
Peter Wilson, in memory of Beverly Sand
Laura Perkins, in memory of Joanna Perkins
Sacha Brown, in memory of Nick Brown
Gareth Ward, in memory of Norman Ward
Liz Poole, in memory of Robert Pawsey
Richard Tingey, in memory of Barbara Tingey
Josie Kemp, in memory of Pippa Stone
Pat Malone, in memory of Patrick Malone, Michael Malone and Trudi Eadington
Mick Murray, in memory of Bob Cole
Carol Taylor, in memory of Annie Hall
Ilana Richardson, in memory of Crispin Ellison
Lucy Davenport, in memory of Tom Davenport
Timothy Murphy, in memory of David Peace
Carmen Alkalai, in memory of Sandy Alkalai
Nikki Crust and their children, in memory of Michael Askham
Sara Fenton, in memory of Keith Fenton
Zoe Hyatt-Marley, in memory of Judith Marley and Andrew Hyatt
Pauline McLeod, in memory of Ian McLeod
Ann Whaley, in memory of Geoff Whaley
Barbara Shooter, in memory of Adrian Shooter
Angela Kilenyi, in memory of Tom Kilenyi
Heidi Topman, in memory of John Topman and Barbara Tingey
James Johnson, in memory of his mum
Catherine Eden, in memory of Claire Eden
Warwick Jackson, in memory of Ann Jackson